Being 30-something

(At a Polytechnic) 

Friend: Oh my goodness. Look at these young people! Man... missed working with them! 

Me: Look at these young people and their unbroken dreams!! 

(in friend's car) 

Me: aye (points out to man on the street) that is how you will look like in your 40s. 

Friend: which is 10 years from now

Me: ah shit

Friend #2: JY you said it as though that is very far away.

(At old Woodlands Central) 

Me: I worked here before 

Friend: 20 years ago? 

Me: fuck off la...wait...it WAS17 years ago, shit!!

What's Craig David doing now?

10 to 11 years ago, the radio introduced us to the handsome Craig David, who was 19, oh-so-handsome, and sang about his dating prowess in the song "Seven Days" on him meeting a girl on Monday, taking her for a drink on Tuesday, and managed to make love with her by Wednesday, and on the Thursday and Friday and Saturday...

Nitya and I used to laugh, saying "Wah lao, have sex 4 days in a row. Not tired meh?

Fast forward to 10 years later. We were in her husband's car when "Seven Days" came on the radio. We both wondered what happened to Craig David, as we haven't heard anything new from him these days.

"Maybe he's no longer in the music scene" I said. "Maybe he's stuck in some lousy desk job."

"I know what he's doing!" she said.

And when the chorus came on, we sang:

He went to work on Monday
Then he went to work again on Tuesday
He will still be working on Wednesday
And on the Thursday And Friday And Saturday
And did OT on Sunday



On a separate note, I love the music video. It's following the style of Groundhog Day.

Mundane conversations.

Adi: What's that?

-points at my big, red plastic bag-

Me: Tissue Paper.

Adi: How much did you pay?

Me: $5.00

Adi: That's expensive. You should buy from Guardian. 4-Ply, 12 packets, $2.00

Me: But mine is 36 for $5.00

Adi: It's worth it because it lasts forever! I can wipe my whole face of sweat and be assured that there is no bits of tissue left on my face... your 3-ply will do that.

Me: So, you no longer use a towel?

Adi: No more. I more high class now.

Study hard

We went to the library in Choa Chu Kang earlier, walking past a room full of young people with thick set of notes, studying.

JY: I don't remember studying so hard.

Harlina: I don't remember even pretending to study so hard! Maybe that's why we are not doctor or lawyer...

JY: I've never wanted to be a doctor or lawyer anyway...

Left 4 Dead!

Recently, I started joining my friends for games of Left 4 Dead 2 at LAN gaming cafes, something I've never thought I would, or could do. 10 years ago I was invited to play Counter-Strike with some of my scout juniors, and I sucked so bad, I was never invited again.

At $2 an hour, it's cheap entertainment if you compare it with hanging out at one of those expensive bars at Clarke Quay. Plus, some of my friends (Rashad and Adi) don't even drink beer. The only painful part is the cab fare home after playing till 5 am.

For those foreign to the game, Left 4 Dead 2 is set during the aftermath of an apocalpytic pandemic, and you'll take on a role as one of the 4 survivors, left to defend yourself against a horde of zombies (also known as the infected). If you watched Danny Boyle's 28 days later, the game's similar. Find 3 friends and you can start having a team of zombie killers, equipped with assorted guns and weapons, health packs and adrenaline shots. I must say it's stress-relieving to whack zombies' head off with a virtual machete after a long, hard week at work.

The usual people I played with, Adi, Charis & Rashad: far more experienced than me in terms of the game play. But I'm grateful that they were patient enough with me, even though I had them sometimes yelling assorted comments like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JY", "STOP RUNNING SO FAR" and "JUST FOLLOW US". They covered most of the zombie killing, and most of the time I learned by following their instructions. I loved playing with them.

For last night's session, while waiting for Charis and Rashad to arrive, Adi and I joined the public games, where we had to play with random players who were on the game servers.

Shit. Playing without the "safety net" that were my friends, I was on my own for the first time. I was teaming up with strangers. Sooner or later, these strangers will realize how badly I play.

And they did. One of the strangers with the moniker "Uncle Sam" suggested that I should get kick out of the team.

I was angry. Can't people have more patience? We all have to start somewhere and learn from our mistakes. But this is the 'real world' we are talking about, and people are harsh. The weak is not welcomed.

Adi (in another team) helped to reply "No" in which Uncle Sam replied "Stupid".

Infuriating! Must be some ah beng behind the keyboard!

Having the best of teamship, I machine-gunned a chain of bullets at his general direction. The feeling of seeing his virtual health shooting down faster than the speed of light (okay, not that fast) was most satisfying.

I got kicked out eventually.

Cheebye.

What Ah Bee told me

Hi Ah Bee,

In the short days which I've known you, this is what I remembered from what you told me.

You said your son was skinny "like a cat" during his teenage years, and you made him drink loads of milk as part of his diet to fatten him up. Your reference to a cat being skinny is weird. Surely you saw Meow-mi, the fat, pampered stray cat that was hanging around Rowell Road?

You told me of your days in Lasalle. Those art students and staff who were in the old campus probably remembered you as the uncle selling Western Food + Chinese Food. You had to prove your worth to take over the Western Food stall by cooking up a feast for the staff members with a budget of $300. You also had a tin can heavy with 5 cent coins (or was it 1 cent?) which you had accumulated over the time you manned the canteen stall. It was stolen, probably 20kg of it. You also spoke of the generosity of the school founder Brother McNally, who paid the school fees of students who couldn't afford to pay.

There was a black angel fish kept in a tiny fish tank in Food #03. It was going solo in its small living area : it bit the fins of other fellow angel fishes, so they were removed to save their poor lives. You often demonstrated to me how the fish recognized you when you approach the tank. And it always did swim towards your direction.

You spoke of your time in Japan; you mentioned it was a short stint in the restaurant. You could speak some Japanese after some time. The usual pleasantries. And you told me that they like their curry sweet.

You related to me horror tales in the kitchen. About a cook you knew that loved to slam the back of the knife into the food. One fine day he slammed his hand into the sharper side of the knife instead. You also told me not to put a carving knife on a top shelf, in case it drops and "slice open my belly and have my intestines flowing". Ouch.

You told me about fishes you caught in Sembawang, with bellies so thick. You indicated its size by holding your thumb and your index finger apart by around 3-4 cm. Your fridge was stuffed full with your catches for awhile, because you thought your friends wouldn't appreciate it even if you shared it with them.

You told me that you loved your coffee with a little something extra: a small bottle of hard liquor which you got from home. "Shiok ah!"

You told me you were supportive of the the CPF scheme where they give you monthly payouts. Said that you wouldn't want to have too much money in your hands.

At that point of time when I met you, I still can't figured out what I wanted to do in life. You told me to "just do it" and "not think too much", because life is short to "think too much".

Somehow, it still feels unreal that you're gone. You went away quietly.

It is hard to put a time-code to the little anecdotes which you related to me, you never told me when it happened.

Recently, Tien has dung up pictures of your wrestling days. I never knew that was what you did in your youth. No wonder they referred to you as the "Wrestler Chef"!

I supposed there are many others who you've met in your lifetime will have other anecdotes of what you've told them. It'll be interesting to hear them.

Your pasta and your stories were yummy.

Thank you, and good bye, Ah Bee.

Taxes

Harlie: One day, I may have to pay $10,000 worth of taxes loh...

Me: Will you still talk to me if you have to pay $10,000 in taxes?

Harlie: What do you think I am, a snob?

Me: It's not a matter of whether you're a snob or not. It's a matter of whether you'll have the time next time...

Connection

I remembered we were lounging at this ostentatiously-shaped sofa in the lobby of a school building. We had escaped from a boring arts camp event. You were strumming a few simple melodies, never mind who the guitar belonged to. When you played Spice Girl's Viva Forever, I sang along to the parts I could remember the lyrics, and you sang the ones I had forgotten. I even forgot that it was not cool to like the Spice Girls or anything pop.

I remembered laughing so hard with you on the bus when we attempted to translate Suede's Beautiful Ones into Hokkien. Shaking the Meat became Yo-ah-yo Bak!. We must have irritated a lot of people.

I remembered we wanted to go to art school, and when we found out how expensive the fees were, we cracked that joke about offering people blowjobs at Holland Village to get that money to pay off the fees. Eventually, you went on to art school, and I went back to work instead.

I remembered singing Green Day songs with you when we strolled back to your house from our secondary school. You were my only friend then who knew the lyrics; never mind that I only knew what "can't get it up" means much later, in that song "The Grouch".

I remembered you broke the only Kit-Kat bar in the fridge into half. It wasn't broken evenly, but you automatically offered me the bigger piece.

I remembered you telling me "You're more than a Poly Grad, and you're more than an intern."

I remembered a bunch of Makciks rushing for the taxi, saying chepat chepat! and you were like aiyoh these makciks ah! under your breath. We had a good laugh about it later.

I remembered you dropped by my workplace with the richest chocolate cake and greeted me "Happy Birthday" 6 months after my birthday. My then colleagues had left the office, so you ate some of the cake with me.

I remembered the both of us laughed so hard at McDonalds for close to 5 minutes about Iron Cocks when we saw this indian kid who kiaped his toy rifle between his legs. The rest who were with us couldn't figure out what was the joke.

I remembered a few days before you left the company, you had dinner with me and told me to be fair to myself and find better opportunities out there.

I constantly search for similar, meaningful connections, the ones that seemed effortless, like the ones above.

Some of your moves had touch me deeply till this day, the others, a connection which had enhanced our friendship. Never mind that some of you aren't in my life anymore. But thank you for being there at that point of time. I love you all :)

It's just work, lah.

I was overwhelmed by So.Much.Work. The to-do-list I scribbled to help me along the next few hours was accompanied by death-threat-doodles to 93.3FM Radio DJs. Annoying radio station. Accompanied by the drilling and the ding-dong-chiang-chiang noise from handy men doing things to the Air-Con and the door, and the soft mechanical zzzzzzzzzzzzz sound from the colleagues USB-operated fan. Oh the noise, the noise.

I could relocate temporarily to the quieter, open-concept office 2 storeys down, but thought better not, as the people there were the very same ones who have overwhelmed me with work.

I wanted to cry, fling something, die. This familiar feeling of helplessness.

"Ni!" went the phone. Ah, text message. Audrey asked me out for dinner. Oh happy, happy. I requested to use her condo's Jacuzzi. She said "yes".

60 dollars spent on a swimsuit + a fast food dinner. By 10 pm I was soaking in her pool, the stress from the hours before, melting away.

Never mind that in 2 days time, it's back to stress.

Precious moments.

Some intense Wii Boxing Session between Audrey and Rashad last Christmas :P

Smooth or not?

Nitya and I were in Guardian, and we were near the Body Lotions section.

Me: (points at Jergens) I use this one.

Nitya: Oooh. (strokes my arm playfully) I also use something. Come, touch me.

Me: Okay. (touch her arm) Not bad ah.

Nitya: No, no, touch here instead! (points at her thigh).

Me: Okay. (feels her thigh) Erm. Hairy leh.

Nitya: Fuck you lah!

Nah.

Jonathan from Spank The Male Nurse blog has stopped writing his blog, but no worries, he's still alive. This piece of information is for the number of you who drop by here via his blog.

A couple of months back, when I met him, I asked him why he isn't writing anymore. He was saying that he has a couple of people he wanted to protect. As you know, his blog has always been anecdotes of his life experiences. Yes, he still lives life, one more exciting than my own, just that he can't share them publicly anymore.

I guessed you'll start having limitations when your blog is read by many, and readers actually recognize you and your friends on the streets of our tiny city. Plus, co-workers as well.

If it helps, here's a picture of both of us instead, taken a couple of months back. When I still had bangs. He still looked posh, but not over the top, if you know what I mean.

Grabbed the picture from Audrey's Facebook. Thanks ah, woman.

P/S: He's also on Twitter, but long long time never update also. Sian.

Ants

JY: I was observing them: the ants will gather around their dead friend for a short time, and move on with their journey!

Audrey: It's like they go "Oh my god, is that Gerry?! Oh no...", mourn for 2-3 seconds, and move on.

--------------------------------

Audrey: I told you that I had a damn weird dream about me talking to an ant right?

JY: Yah. Like how siah... how big was the ant?

Audrey: Around this size... (fingers gesturing around 30 cm) Then the rest of his friends are smaller.

JY: What were you all talking about?

Audrey: He was telling me how hard it was to mobilize everybody!

JY: Like the military!

What's the point of having conductors?

Charlie, one of my blog's lurker, invited us to watch him conduct in a concert. Might be interesting, but still...

Me: Wah lao have to go watch so many friends perform this month. Somemore Charlie's one, he's not even performing

Audrey: Yah, have to go and watch his ass. Why do I need to pay 10 dollars to watch his ass when I can see his ass when we go out? (beat) not in that sexual way la.

Me: Aiyah just go there and see him hold his stick lah, and wave it around. It's not everyday...

Audrey: Are you sure it's not everyday that he does that? Holding his stick?

Me: Well.... I don't really want to know...

Dramatic Audrey!

Slit-Eye Kitty

I'm Chinese and you can blindfold me with a shoelace. Slit-eyes: the over stereotyped physical trait of a Chinese person which I happened to be blessed with, and also the target of jokes from friends with much bigger eyes, despite being Chinese as well.

Stupid Question #01
Audrey: So do you see half of what we see with those eyes?
Me: No. Feck off!

Na bei. You can never hear the end of it from that woman.

Audrey loathes the Serious Cat and thinks that Serious Cat's eyes were photoshopped on. She thought she could do a better job.

Here's a picture of a Scottish Fold cat, photoshopped with my terribly small eyes, courtesy of Audrey. Thanks, ah.




I think I'm Picture #02 most of the time.

Hairy Issues

Me: Wah lao look at Charis' eyelashes, so thick!

Audrey: You used mascara right?

Charis: Yah lah

Me: You see our eyelashes, so few only!

Harlina: You know the thing the Chinese girls attach to their eyes? You actually have them already!

Charis: That, and the amount of hair you have everywhere else. You'll be thankful that you're not Indian la

She looks young! Like 16!

Ah, Audrey. I guess you owe them both a meal.

I received Frower!

"Uncle" JayWalk drew me a frower! He also drew 25 other flowers, which is an impressive feat for him to find time to do this in the midst of being a tua tua entrepreneur in Ch1na who chokes up impressive handphone bills.


Now that's a really nice gesture from somebody whom I haven't in real. Haven't met the rest that frequent the Cowboy Bar either (a tremendous distraction from work!) Now most of these "barflies", including JayWalk, maintains some sorta online anonymity, not revealing their real names and faces through their blogs. I only know them by their nicknames, but of course I'm always curious of how they look like lah.

When I queried them on how JayWalk looks like, most of them at the Cowboy Bar said that he looks like this guy:

Okay, fine. 80s hairstyle (perm siah), loads of facial hair, very manly. Wow.

JayWalk generously added me on Facebook last week, thus revealing his mug to me through photo albums. He doesn't look like the hairy, pervy man above lah, you liars.

He really looks more like this guy:


Okay excuse me while I go put out the fire I started. Don't kill me uncle..

P/S: The chinese-bearded man is really Taiwanese host Fei-Ge and the Chao Ah Gua-looking guy is actually the late MGR, a very popular Tamil Movie superstar of the 50s-60s from very long ago lah.

Punjabisexy PikaTranny!

One of the many reasons why Charis and I shouldn't work together. HAPPI BURTHDAY ANIWAY LA WOMAN!

Click here for some Punjabi Sexy.