Monday, August 7, 2017

Failure gift

My mother used to enroll me in art competitions. That was even before my primary school years. But I never won any of them, not even consolation prize. And I would end up crying, probably a huge fit. I believe my art teacher probably told my mom that I was not ready to handle shit like that, so she never let me join any of these things anymore. (though my parents still encouraged the art thing, which I was grateful for.)

I think after one of those competitions where I didn't win, my parents tried cheering me up with, from what I remember, a pack of plastic alphabets. And that was that. I was not good enough to win, but at least I had a "failure gift".

There was a year, after a bad appraisal grade, a colleague, that has became more of a friend, tried to cheer me up with a box of chocolates. She knew my favorite: matcha-flavoured, and had placed strategically on my table with a note "cheer up". That would be the first thing I would see when I enter my cubicle. But I ended up sobbing when I saw it. Because the box of chocolates was my "failure gift". A reminder I was not good enough.

No comments: